Ken and the Chickens!
by ImperialGuardian09
Summary: Oh my! The narrators are taking a turn for the worse in the world of Sailor Moon! Darien and Serena get kidnapped and these strange chickens just won’t leave Ken alone… can the Sailor Scouts save the day? Of course!
1. Kidnapper's Paradise

Author's Note

I'm pointing this out now. I DO NOT own Sailor Moon. Have a nice day.

By the way, this is a prequel to Serena or Catarina, but by no means do you have to read Serena or Catarina to get this story. My policy is it's a new style every day, and a new type of narrator! Enjoy!

EDIT: I have updated page styles, and that is all.

**

* * *

Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 1: Kidnappers' Paradise**

**Once upon a time in the perfect world of—**

"Ahem!" Lita coughed.

"You got a cold Lita?" Serena asked worriedly.

"I could never get a cold unless it's life-threatening and leads to a perfect Ken and me moment!" Lita replied with a smile.

"Hey Lita," Ken said, arriving from behind her.

"Oh no!" Lita cried. "Call a doctor! I think I'm gonna die!"

"Here, I'll walk you to the nurse's office," Ken replied, as the two strolled happily away. Serena sighed.

"Why do such perfect relationships never lead to anything?" Serena sighed.

"Because they're not relevant to the plotline!" Molly chirped in, as Serena fell out of her seat, not expecting her best friend to show up out of nowhere. "Much like me after the beginning of the series! Although I did play—no wait, that too was the beginning of the series! See?"

"Then why are you here now?" Serena asked, confused.

"I'm making a cameo. See ya around Serena, and watch out for dark alleyways!" Molly said, fading away mysteriously.

"Okay! I guess I'll have to be super-careful when walking home today!" Serena said. "Because that's definitely some obvious foreshadowing right there!"

"Serena, can you use that big of a word?" Amy asked, who had obviously been sitting there quietly eating her lunch.

"I can now Amy!" Serena giggled. "I can get smarter!"

**Umm…okay, let's rewind some here. First off, Lita would not stroll off happily with Ken to the nurse's office. They would most definitely skip. Yeah, I think they're going to skip instead. And second, we're going to scratch the Molly cameo. She definitely gave Serena advice she didn't need to hear yet. So sorry Serena, no smart words for you today. Okay, now let's roll!**

After the very perfect class with Miss Haruna where no student ever got a wrong answer, not even the sleeping Serena managed to get even one mistake (granted Miss H never saw the poor thing napping), Serena packed up for the day. Outside the gates of the school, Serena's super-hot perfect boyfriend was waiting for her. He always knew exactly what to say to put her in good mood, even if it was too deep for her to possibly comprehend.

"Hey Serena," Darien said softly.

"Oh Darien," Serena said. "Are you going to drive me home today?"

"Mysteriously enough, my car has to be in the shop today, but I figured that you would love to just walk home with me," Darien replied.

"Hooray!" Serena cheered, as the couple started the walk home. "Oh Darien! Look! A dark alleyway!"

"I don't know Serena. I've always heard that those are bad," Darien said, looking at the alleyway with caution.

**Break! Okay, Darien, no intelligence for you! Curse your mother for telling you those are dangerous! Now that that's settled, back to the show!**

"Hooray!" Serena cheered, as the couple started the walk home. "Oh Darien! Look! A dark alleyway!"

"Want to take a quick look?" Darien asked.

"Sure!" Serena squealed, as the couple thoughtlessly walked into the dark alleyway. Forget the fact that there just might be some crazed robber! In this perfect world, nothing can go wrong!

"AAAAIIIEEEE!"

"SERENA! AAAAAHHHH!"

Okay, maybe that can go wrong. It's not like anyone's going to notice that I've just gotten the two main characters in serious trouble—are they?

Meanwhile, at the Cherry Hill Temple, our favorite fire-born Sailor Scout was talking with the others about the upcoming exams.

"It's amazing how goofy Serena gets over Darien sometimes," Raye huffed. Or not. Somehow, with all this boy talk, they'll still manage to pass.

"Guys, we should seriously be studying!" Amy scolded.

"Oh come off it Amy!" Lita said. "You're just worried that we'll start talking about you and Greg."

"There's nothing between me and Greg!" Amy replied.

"Oh please, and that secret outing two nights ago is proof of this nothing that you're talking about!" Mina said. Amy turned crimson.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Amy whispered.

"Ooh! An outing with you and Greg? What happened?" Raye asked, as the girls smothered poor, sweet Amy back into a corner.

"You see, me and Greg visited this dark alleyway and saw this strange violet light."

**NO! You cannot tell them about this Amy! They'll guess what happened to Serena and Darien too quickly! So I change the location of your date to a library! Man, I love these powers!**

"You see, me and Greg went to the library."

"At midnight? What books were you looking for?" Mina asked devilishly.

"I don't know why you're spying on me at midnight Mina!" Amy shot back, her face red and steam escaping her body.

"Well—you see," Mina said, as she was now the "chosen one" as the girls hounded her for the next three hours. Amy finally managed to recover, and the girls planned to go home for the night.

"Hey Lita, weren't you fatally sick earlier?" Mina asked.

"I miraculously recovered after a perfect Ken and me moment!" Lita replied.

"Oh yeah, I love those," Amy sighed.

"You know, Serena didn't show up at all today. Do you think she's all right?" Lita asked.

"She's probably off in somearcade with Darien," Raye said, as the group giggled.

"There's no chance she's in any danger, or else Trista would have told us, right?" Mina asked.

"Yeah, that's right. We can all rely on her without question because she guards the Time Gates and she'd never lie to us!" Raye said.

"Right!" the others chorused. So they parted, and went home for the night.

**Okay, so it seems like I'm siding with the bad guys right now, but I'm not, okay? I'm sure the others, as always, will have an emergency meeting in the morning to discuss the situation of their disappearance because hey, who wouldn't miss a blond-haired teen with pigtails and her perfect (although now stupid) boyfriend? Until next time!**


	2. Demons,Attack, Right?

Author's Note

I don't own Sailor Moon. Please don't make me go through more therapy over it.

Guess what? Chapter two is worse than the first… I think. Anyhow, review for me and let me know! I'm working on chapter three and I want to make sure I'm on a good track. Enjoy!

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**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 2: Demons…Attack…Right?**

**I am not the BAD GUY! He is.**

_I don't see how I fit into this excuse of a chapter. There is no reason for me to even exist until chapter three._

**Oh quit griping! You know full well that I can't continue to narrate the good side unless they believe there is a bad guy! And you're the perfect scapegoat!**

_The light side is now supported by a cretin. Just continue with this preposterous tale._

**WHEE! I win! Okay, so here we go—**

"This is really strange," Ken said, looking at Lita. "It's like she's entirely worried about something. Maybe I was too straightforward yesterday. Maybe she HATES me!"

"She could never hate you," Melvin proclaimed, as Ken jumped. "That would be pretty impossible for a girl like Lita."

"Where did you come from and who are you?" Ken demanded.

"I'm from down the hall," Melvin said mysteriously. "I just pop up at random times for no reason other than to butt in on semi-personal conversations!"

"But who are you?" Ken demanded, but Melvin was gone. "Who was that guy?"

"Ken?" Lita asked from behind him, as he jumped again.

"Yes Lita?"

"Have you seen Serena or Darien today?"

"OH no! It's worse than I thought! She's in love with them, and is trying to decide who she loves more!" Ken thought horrifically.

_Why do they even protect such disillusioned, disturbing beings?_

"Ken?"

"Um—no, not really," Ken quivered. Lita sighed.

"I wonder where they are. Darien's normally here on time, I see him run past here every morning, and Serena is almost always five minutes late, and it's been fifteen and I haven't heard her teacher yell yet," she explained.

**What is it with these people and being so smart? They always KNOW when something is wrong!**

_Just let this continue. You have done enough harm for one story. Besides, isn't it comical that she KNOWS them like the back of her hand?_

**But this is an injustice! I mustn't let it continue!**

_You will or I shall tell everyone of your most recent endeavors involving frogs and an energy drink._

**Okay! I get it! I won't stop it, this time…**

"Okay," Ken said, drawing out the word. Then in thought, "If I start coming in at the same time every day, maybe she'll start noticing me too!"

"Are you okay Ken?" Lita asked, concerned that her friend was now grinning widely.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ken replied, chuckling nervously. In thought, "She noticed me! My plan's working better than I thought!"

"You know what's even stranger," Lita said. "Our professor is late too."

"NOOO!" Ken cried in his mind. After the school day ended, Lita called for an emergency meeting. Of course, as she entered the temple, and went to the meeting room, she was greeted by everyone, short of Darien and Serena. It's not like they had lives they couldn't break away from.

"Where are Darien and Serena?" Trista asked calmly.

**Like she doesn't know!**

_Silence my imprudent opposite. Even I know that the Time Guardian is forbidden to reveal future events._

"That's the problem," Lita said. "I haven't seen them all day."

"You know, I haven't heard from Serena all day either," Mina noted.

"And you'd think she'd at least pick up her communicator to attend the emergency meeting," Raye said.

"And I thought she was with all of you," Luna replied sheepishly.

"Or with Darien," Artemis added smugly. Gotta love how everyone seems to have input on the same topic.

Suddenly, an eerie scream flooded their ears. The group went silent, looked at one another, and grabbed their wands.

**And they transformed. It was a dazzling display that I'm sure you've heard and/or seen about a thousand times—oh, is that a chicken?**

The monster that was ruthlessly stalking lovers in the park was quickly interrupted by the shouts.

"How dare you attack innocent lovers as they travel the park?" Sailor Venus cried.

"Haven't you ever heard of privacy?" Sailor Mars shouted.

"We won't allow this to continue!" Sailor Jupiter cried.

The monster they were hunting down was now in the middle of reading a magazine. They yawned, as they looked up from reading.

"Are you done yet?" they asked. The group crashed. "Good. Listen up. I have a message for you from my master."

"YOU MEAN YOU WERE CAUSING THIS RUCKUS OVER ONE STUPID MESSAGE?" Sailor Uranus shouted.

"That's just stupid," Sailor Neptune said bluntly.

"Indeed," Sailor Pluto added, a glint in her eye.

"Well, let's put it this way. We have your precious princess and her boyfriend, after they ventured into our trap. You'd think their mothers told them dark alleyways are dangerous."

_Something tells me that YOU have something to do with all of this._

**Hehehe,.. It's not like I got them killed…**

_I ought to turn you in to the proper authorities._

**But you called the cops already and they won't touch me unless I commit a crime!**

_I was talking about the nearby asylum._

The monster laughed at them, as it vanished.

"WAIT! WHAT ARE THE TERMS HERE?" Sailor Mars shouted, as the monster came back swiftly, coughing.

"Right, almost forgot. You see, in order to get her back, four of you have to work for my master for the rest of your lives, as slaves. You have three days to decide. Until then."

The monster laughed, vanishing again.

"Gee Mars, if you hadn't asked for the terms we'd have NO clue how to get Serena back," Sailor Venus said.

"I'm surprised it left without further provocation," Sailor Mercury said, as the outer Sailor Scouts nodded.

"Now that was rude!" Sailor Jupiter said, jumping as the group jumped with her. "It didn't let us finish our speech!"

_I can hardly contain myself for next time, seeing as I actually play more of a role. However, if my partner in narration doesn't contain herself, and find some way to apologize for the madness of the first chapter, I will personally make her pay. Until next we meet fellow aficionada of Sailor Moon._

**Hey hey! That's not fair! I didn't even get to alter anything this chapter! I will next chapter, I promise.**

_Need I bring up the energy drink?_

**No fair! YOU HAVE BLACKMAIL! Stupid extortionist.**

_Wow, you knew a word with more than three syllables! I'm so happy for you!_

**I hate you.**


	3. The Chickens

Author's Notes

Sailor Moon still doesn't belong to me… I wanna hug!

Okay, there's my silly disclaimer. As of this moment, I have named these two narrators, which are identified by the bold and italics. The bold narrator is Ying, and the italicized narrator is Yang. So, Ying and Yang are going to take care of the specifics, and for some reason, I felt it fair to give them both authoritative powers in my story, just to see what could happen. As we all saw, that was a disaster. However, can't take away what's already been given, so I guess I can only hope Yang keeps Ying in line.

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**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 3: The Chickens**

_I am opening the chapter now._

Serena's eyes fluttered open. She saw that she was precariously perched in a bird cage. Nearby, Darien was also in a cage, unconscious.

"Darien!" she cried. He, of course on this cue, awoke slowly.

"Serena!" he replied. They tried to reach out to each other, and their fingers brushed.

"Are you all right Serena?" Darien asked softly.

"As long as you're with me Darien," Serena replied.

_I hate this sappiness. Let's change the distance to 100 yards._

**Wait, how come you can change the distance between them, and I'm not allowed to alter anything!**

_Because unlike your use for it, I have clearly taken care of something truly diabolic._

**Romance isn't diabolic.**

_If you associate with it, it most certainly is._

"Are you all right Serena?" Darien shouted across, their hands far from one another.

"I'm okay Darien! What about you?" she asked.

"Oh isn't this cute?" a large voice demanded, as they looked to see a giant demon!

"We haven't fought a guy this big before," Serena jumped, frightened by his size.

"Because we don't leave the Negaverse," the demon replied. "We realized that you guys were hitting all the little ones, and they were dropping like flies, so we figured it was stupid to get into that kind of fight. In fact, I'd rather play cards than go do battle with Sailor Scouts."

"Then why'd you kidnap us?" Darien demanded.

"Because my plan is foolproof!" the demon replied. "You see, since I was a little demon, I've always owned a herd of mutant chickens. They are extremely difficult to care for, especially now that I'm so huge. So I've kidnapped the two of you to get eight chicken herders for free!"

"YOU KIDNAPPED US OVER CHICKENS?" Darien shouted. "WHAT KIND OF MORON ARE YOU?"

Down below, there was some clucking overheard.

"They don't take kindly to those who insult me," the demon explained. "In fact, I was also going to make you two do my work, but since he's gone and done that, I certainly can't have him tend to my chickens. After I get my herders I'll just kill you off."

"NOO!" Serena sobbed.

_Tragedy is beautiful._

**You really are the bad guy!**

_I don't see why you can't see the beauty of this moment. She's going to die, cold and alone._

**Not if I have anything to say about it! Serena will escape with Darien! I promise you!**

_Now now, you aren't ruining this moment, or I'll just have to start telling everyone about the energy drink._

**FINE! But I'll get back at you! Just you wait and see!**

_Indeed._

Darien pondered his situation. He was stuck, and for some reason his IQ didn't match his college degree he was earning currently. How was he ever to get out of this bind with Serena before the others began to panic? He had always done it before! He had always come to her rescue, yet this time, this time he was with her, and they were both in danger… what to do…

_So next time, you will hear about the glory that it is the stupidity of their friends._

**You are making everything so dark you evil person, Yang!**

_Ying, it's not my fault that I'm so much more profound than you._

**I should kill you.**

_Then the author will just revive me from the dead._

**Did I tell you how much I hate you?**

_Bring it on._


	4. Chicken Horde

Ying's Notes

**Hey everyone! ImperialGuardian09 does not own Sailor Moon, or we wouldn't be here! And she apologizes for the long delay before posting this chapter! I'm taking over the author's notes for two reasons: one, Yang has kidnapped the narrator, and two, he tried taking this section over but the computer dragon that guards the authoress' machine wasn't too happy with her abduction, and blew his author's notes out of existence!**

**Anyway, I'm sorry to say that I'm not in charge of the narration today, since we both take turns narrating two chapters. I just hope that this turns out to be as good as my first chapter!**

**Oh, I'm sure you're all worried about what happened to ImperialGuardian09. Well, I guess it's safe to say she's in a good place. I mean, Yang forgot to take away her computer access, so her and I have been chatting. She's fine. I think. I mean, she can type, can't she? Oh yeah, and she said to say sorry since the chapter's short. She's working on more right now, to make up for the lack in updates and the shortness of this chapter.**

* * *

**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 4: Chicken Horde**

_I am starting the chapter now._

Serena looked at what surrounded her now. The large amount of chickens that had appeared from Darien's remark seemed endless, going from horizon to horizon. Face it, the giant LOVED chickens. In the distance, Darien's cage had begun raising higher and higher with each passing minute. Below her, the chickens seemed to be growing in size.

"Serena!"

"Darien!"

In times like this, a name is all you need. How sickening. As the distance between them grew further, Serena finally realized that it wasn't Darien's cage that was moving—it was her own. When she arrived at the ground, the chickens surrounded her cage, as Serena stood in the center, terrified. These weren't normal chickens. They were green, twice their normal size, and had red, pulsing eyes. It reminded her of a Christmas tree parade gone terribly wrong.

"Serena!" Darien's now distant voice called.

"DARIEN!" Serena screamed.

**Come on Yang! Give me the authoress back!**

_No. Not until my demands are met._

**Fine, then I'll retaliate! The chickens now have pretty pink bows!**

Serena wasn't sure why, but the chickens each had their own, pretty pink bow, with a name written on them.

"Can you see their beautiful bows I added?" the giant boomed. "They look so adorable like that. The names are for my benefit and safety. Nate likes to kick moreso than the others, and Regina acts like a whore. But watch out for Eric; he's the most violent of them all."

Clearly in front of Serena was a set of bows with the names Eric, Regina, and Nate. All three chickens were conveniently there. Serena gasped, as Eric the chicken looked at her with a blood-red stare.

**You made the pink bows evil!**

_As they rightfully should be._

**All right, you can't make this evil! Eric likes Serena!**

The door to the cage was slowly opening. The three chickens moved in first. They were unattended, the others watching outside curiously. Fear pulsed through all of her veins, dashed in her eyes, and her legs wobbled and she dropped to the floor. These chickens scared Serena to no end. The one named Nate jumped at Serena, and she was shocked as Eric actually defended her. Her eyes were staring up at the other cage, to where her Darien was being held. The chickens, after seeing this display, all rushed into the cage, circling Serena, who from extreme fear, passed out.

_We're ending it here. I still hold her hostage. And I command that it ends here until I get some of my needs met._

**You just are mad that I altered something you couldn't fix!**

_You know, you're lucky I let it go this far without me divulging your greatest secret._

**Good thing it's my turn next! That way you can't possibly reveal anything vital or important!**

_You suck._


	5. Planning the Great Escape

Ying's Notes

**Okay, on week two of the kidnapping. Does anyone have any idea where she might be? It's a little awkward for her to be missing for this long. I mean, she has plenty of time to write and keep up with people, but she's still kidnapped!**

**The author doesn't own Sailor Moon. If she did we'd all be rich.**

**Oh wait, new e-mail. It says that she's fine, just is slipping out through the bedroom door when Yang isn't looking…umm…he locked her in her room? What kind of kidnapper is that stupid? You know, for as smart as he is, Yang can be pretty—I'm sure you get the picture. It also says "PS- I made the chapter longer to make up for the past two chapters, which I'm sure you noticed were clearly too short. Later! And don't eat all the cookies Ying!" How did she know about that?**

* * *

**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 5: Planning the Great Escape**

**Okay, so here we go—**

"Lita!" Ken said, skipping across the field.

"Ken!" Lita cried, arms wide open as she skipped in slow motion towards him.

**Oh wait—hehe—wrong scene.**

"Morning Lita!" Ken exclaimed.

"Wow Ken, you're in five seconds earlier than usual? What's the scoop?" Lita asked him.

"Nothing much. Just wanted to see you."

"That's so sweet Ken!" Lita exclaimed.

"Attention class! I call a study hall all day because I've got a date with Miss Haruna down the hall!" the teacher called. Lita looked thoughtful.

"That was sweet of him to give the day off," Lita noted.

"NOOO!" Ken cried in his mind. He had failed again to catch her eye.

"It's also strange that they conveniently had a date today," Lita added.

"DOUBLE NOO!" Ken exclaimed in his mind.

"You know—" Lita started, as Ken placed a hand over her mouth.

"Say Lita, why is it convenient for you to have today off?" Ken asked her. Lita blushed a little as she looked down at her feet.

"I was hoping we could go have some ice cream together or something."

"YES!" Ken cried, as the whole class looked at him. He stopped mid-cheer. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Lita only giggled.

Later that evening, Lita was with the others in their emergency meeting. She looked dazed, concerned.

"What is it Lita?" Luna asked. "You only get like this at the thought of old boyfriends."

"It's Ken. I just don't know how to admit my feelings to him."

Squeals erupted as the group cornered poor Lita.

"You like WHO?" Mina asked, smirking devilishly.

"Has he shown any interest?" Raye demanded.

"Aren't we in the middle of a meeting?" Amy chirped, being crushed under the weight of the other two prying girls.

"You need to lighten up Ames!" Mina said loudly. "Or else I'll have to explicitly remind you of when you were at the library with Greg, and threaten to tell all the gruesome details of the date!"

"Did you say something Mina?" Lita asked. "I couldn't hear you over Raye's shouts."

"No! She didn't say anything important!" Amy squeaked. "In fact, she just wanted to know how your date went!"

"Date?" Lita whispered, blushing. "That wasn't a date. That was just a trip to the ice cream parlor."

"What are you talking about?" Raye asked mischeiviously. "Did he dress up?"

"Umm—yeah."

"Did you dress up?" Mina added.

"Umm—yeah."

"Did you eat from the same sundae?" Amy inquired, as Lita turned crimson. The two little interrogators looked at Amy. "What?"

"That's just strange hearing you say it Ames. We have to work on your interrogation skills," Raye said, wagging her finger.

"Yes, we must! But did you have fun Lita?"

"Umm—yeah?"

"THEN IT WAS A DATE!" Mina and Raye cried.

**They seem to be getting a little too off track… should I make them talk seriously yet?**

_Yes._

**Okay! Onward with the distracting conversations!**

"This is worse than that time I accidentally fried Raye's stilettos because I was daydreaming about Jimmy," Lita sighed.

"Well, your Jovian powers are pretty strong," Mina noted.

"Speaking of, those stilettos fixed themselves," Raye replied.

"Why were you thinking about Jimmy in the middle of a scout battle?" Luna cried.

"AHA!" a voice cried from behind the sliding door.

"I know that voice," Lita said, her eyes widening with fear.

**Continue with the distractions?**

_No._

**Okay!**

The sliding door opened to reveal Ken!

"Ohmigosh! It's that one guy!" Mina said, pointing her finger.

"He has a name, doesn't he?" Raye added, thinking hard.

"We saw him when Beryl was still around," Amy chirped.

"What was his name?" Raye said, still thinking.

"Ken, what are you doing here?" Lita asked.

"It was that one time when Lita gave a guy a blood transfusion he needed because the youma attacked him, right?" Raye pointed out.

"I followed you, because I wanted to know whether or not you loved me!" Ken said, tears in his eyes. "You obviously love this Jimmy guy way more than me!"

**Continue?**

_STOP!_

**OKAY ALREADY! I GET THE POINT!**

"Ricky?" Mina suggested.

"Nope," Amy replied. "That was your first boyfriend."

"Oh yeah," Mina giggled.

"Chad?" Raye suggested.

"No, that guy works here in the temple," Luna replied.

"Not only that, but you've been keeping other secrets from me too! How do you explain that talking cat?" Ken shouted. Any obvious person would say "What cat?" and shrug it off. Any intelligent person would say "Internet?" and shrug it off. Yang would probably say "From the pits of hell?" and shrug it off. So what does Lita say?

"It could be Greg," Amy pointed out.

"No, Greg is that psychic you have a crush on," Raye replied for her. Amy laughed.

"Oops."

"What about Artemis?" Artemis proclaimed.

"Okay, now you have to explain two talking cats!" Ken shouted.

**Continue?  
**

_Yes._

**Okay!**

"Umm—yes?" Lita replied.

_My hatred brims from the depths of hell._

**Sounds like you need therapy.**

_If only your intelligence matched your ability to agitate your co-workers._

**Therapy it is then!**

"Yes?" Ken asked. "That makes total and perfect sense! Lita! I love you!"

"Oh Ken! I love you too!" Lita cried. Suddenly a field of flowers popped up.

"Lita!" Ken said, skipping across the field.

"Ken!" Lita cried, arms wide open as she skipped in slow motion towards him.

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"You'd think after the fourth one they would have reached one another," Artemis sighed.

"It doesn't even look like an inch has been traveled between the two," Luna added.

"They've actually traveled .9999 inches between one another, so you would be right Luna, they've hardly moved an inch," Amy corrected. "Good eye. Now back to our conversation."

"Michael?"

"Jimmy?"

"Brandon?"

"Scott?"

"Why are we naming non-Japanese names?" Raye demanded.

"Because we're being called by our dubbed names, and therefore we can only mention names that have western origins. If we dare even mention one Japanese name, the world may very well explode—not that that has ever happened to me before," Amy explained, twiddling her thumbs nervously.

"I thought the Dub God would smite you where you stand?" Mina pointed out, thoughtful.

**More distractions?**

_WHAT DO YOU THINK MY ANSWER IS?_

**More distractions!**

…_.AAAARRGGGHHH!_

"We should try it," Raye said.

"Let's save it for another chapter," Luna said finally. "Like the one before the final battle, because if you do it then, the creator clearly can't kill you or fear losing popularity."

"True," Amy noted. "Although, we have been killed before final battles in the past—"

"What about that guy over there? We still don't know his name although he and Lita have been shouting at each other for a little while, and they've got the whole field of flowers going. Do you think they're fighting?" Mina asked.

**Continue?**

_WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?_

**Release the authoress.**

_NEVER!_

**Okay, your funeral.**

"We should ask them," Raye said. "Hey Lita, are you two fighting or something?"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Why does she keep saying 'can' with an accent of some sort?" Mina asked.

"They're probably having some sort of telepathic conversation, or they're having a word war," Amy noted thoughtfully.

"What's that?" Mina asked.

"That's when you see who can say their word back and forth until someone finally gives in," Amy replied matter-of-factly. Raye sighed.

"That'll take forever! We'll never figure out this guy's name!" Mina whined.

"I'll start researching the school databases," Amy replied, starting to look.

_OKAY! I GIVE IN! I'LL LET HER GO! But on one condition._

**Hooray! Anything!**

_That there are two character deaths in the story, that will be chosen by the reviewers, the ones who have the real power. Also, I want them to be able to vote more than once._

**Easy enough! I just think it's fair to request that if the reviewers don't at all, leave the choices to the authoress and myself.**

_Done. You'll see her soon enough. Now do something serious or I'll take it all back._

**Okay, until next time everyone!**

_I truly hate you from the bottom of my bottomless soul._

**That sounds like a personal problem therapy could solve!**

…


	6. Ken and Lita

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I'm back and I don't own Sailor Moon still. You'd think with that time away I could have gotten something, but yeah, not happening.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed thus far! You are all wonderful! And yes, I am back, and I will make sure that Yang pays, and I will do this very simply. Yang is now forbidden to narrate unless I say so. Although, by this I mean that he can still comment, just can't be the narrator narrator anymore…hehe, revenge is so much fun!

**

* * *

Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 6: Ken and Lita**

**Okay, so here we go—**

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"This is one long word war," Mina noted.

"And look, they're almost to each other now," Raye pointed out. For those who are remotely curious, it's been a whopping three hours. And yes, the others have been watching this "word war" intently.

"You'd think that they'd get bored," Amy said, fascinated.

"Only on Tuesdays," Mina said. "Because that's the day no one likes!"

"I thought that was Monday," Raye pointed out.

"Yeah, but Lita always has cookies on Monday, doesn't she?" Amy replied. "So that would make the day better."

"But Mina, how would you know none of us like Tuesday?" Luna asked, shuddering at the thought.

"Umm… Melvin?" Mina asked, twiddling her thumbs and twitching a little.

"I'll kill him when I'm at school next," Raye growled.

"But you two don't go to school with him!" Artemis shouted.

"Artemis!" Amy exclaimed. "You needn't shout. Besides, it is obvious Melvin has strong family ties in the other schools, that all have the same name as him."

"Lita!"

"Ken!"

"Really, that's getting old," Raye scowled. "Can they hurry it up and finish?"

As soon as the words were uttered, the two reached one another, were in a warm, heartfelt embrace.

_Sickening._

**At least I didn't kidnap the author and get grounded.**

_Shut up. Will get you actually do something important besides this—trash?_

**Okay!**

_Why is my headache starting already?_

This embrace led to stares from the group.

"Was there even a war to begin with?" Amy wondered.

"WHOA! Lita is hugging some guy whose name we still don't know and only have met once before! Awkward!" Mina shouted.

"Wait, wasn't she just talking about some guy she really liked?" Raye asked.

"She was!" Mina exclaimed, giddy. "Although for the life of me I can't remember his name."

"Maybe it has something to do with the way she said can earlier," Luna noted.

"You guys, this is my new boyfriend and fiancé, Ken!" Lita announced.

"Wasn't that a little fast?" Mina asked.

"Relationships introduced early on never fail, so we'll get married someday!" Lita replied, smiling. "Oh yeah, and he happens to know everything about us because he was listening in on our conversations for the past two days!"

"How do you know that?" Ken asked, blushing.

"I can tell when you're near," Lita said mischeiviously.

"HOW COME YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING?" Luna shouted.

"Because it was obvious that he'd need to know everything for the sake of the plotline, silly," Lita replied, giggling.

"So what can I do to help?" Ken asked.

"Do you have any superpowers?" Raye asked.

"No, but I'm a good acrobat."

"Any motivation to fight bad guys?"

"To protect my lovely Lita!"

"Can you come up with cheesy quotes about love and justice on the drop of a dime?"

"No, I can come up with one and use it every time I show up."

"Got a green tuxedo, a mask, a green and gold youma-resistant cape, a sword disguised as a green cane, a bulletproof vest, and a dozen yellow roses on hand?"

"You bet I do!"

"Then you are now Tuxedo Jupiter. Go get your stuff and be back here in time for the next chapter."

"Yes ma'am!" Ken said, running out the door.

"Wouldn't it have made more sense to call him Jupiter Knight?" Mina asked.

"Oh Mars no! Then I would have asked him about armor!" Raye replied.

"Why didn't you ask him if he had a top hat?" Amy asked.

"The top hat only belongs with Tuxedo Ka—I mean Tuxedo Mask!" Raye answered.

"Ken's my protector! Hooray!" Lita cried. "This means I'm somehow more important in this adventure!"

"What brings you to that conclusion?" Amy asked.

"I don't see Greg showing up, confessing his love, and getting to be Tuxedo Mercury, even though we've clearly established you two have a relationship," Lita pointed out to her.

_MAKE IT STOP! THEY'RE ALL SO STUPID!_

**You never said in your conditions that they had to be more intelligent.**

_You know, I did see that therapist. You know what they said? They said that the best way to solve my issues were to violently release my anger in a controlled manner. And look what I have: a fellow narrator._

**oO**

"Right, now onto business," Lita said, plopping down. "Do we have any idea what we'll do to get her out?"

"We submit to their demands, and free her in an all out battle that we have no chances of losing," Amy replied.

"Why the plan so fast? Normally we have more dialogue," Mina asked.

"It means Ken has to run faster," Amy said with a devious smile. And on cue Ken reappeared, in the aforementioned apparel, the bulletproof vest hidden from view.

"OH! I GOT IT!" Mina shouted, as the group crashed.

"Got what?" Ken asked.

"When she was saying can with an accent, she was really saying Ken!" Mina exclaimed.

… _I wish I could kill her off._

**Now now, you know the deal. You have no say. Okay, until next time people!**

_Review for me and kill off the blonde._


	7. World Doomedness?

Author's Note

Wow, violence much? You know, Yang seems to be a little miffed about this little predicament. Oh well. He'll live. You know, this hasn't spoken too much about its title either. Oh well, now that Ke—I mean Tuxedo Jupiter is in the picture, maybe we'll have some more fun things happen. Maybe. Anyhow, I'm going to apologize for this chapter's lateness, since I fell behind and stuff.

* * *

**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 7: World Doomedness?**

**Okay, here we go—**

"Do you think this makes me look fat?" Sailor Venus asked for the tenth time.

"No," the group sighed.

"I don't want to surrender to the enemy looking fat!" she sobbed.

"Your scout uniform does not make you look fat!" Ke—I mean Tuxedo Jupiter said, aggravated.

"Don't worry Tuxedo Jupiter, she's always like this," Sailor Jupiter said soothingly.

"That's what I'm worried about," Ke—Tuxedo Jupiter sighed.

_If you have problems remembering his name, just call him Ken._

**No way! How else am I supposed to subtlely indicate that Ken is still Ken with a goofy costume on, whereas the girls are serious?**

_You have no shame, do you?_

…**What's shame?**

…

"Are you sure that we should wait around here?" Tuxedo Jupiter asked, looking around.

"It's where we saw the creature last. Where else would it show up?" Sailor Mercury asked, typing away.

"Does this make me look fat?" Sailor Venus asked for the eleventh time.

"Relax. We'll save Serena soon enough," Sailor Jupiter said.

"SHE'S SAILOR MOON?" Tuxedo Jupiter demanded. The group sighed.

"I thought he knew everything," Sailor Mars said, pointing her thumb at him.

"He obviously wasn't listening to some of it. We'll just have to explain it as we go. Tuxedo Jupiter, did you figure out your cool entry?" Sailor Jupiter asked.

"Yup!" he replied.

"Then go hide in the shadows and wait until I'm in trouble," Sailor Jupiter said, as Tuxedo Jupiter nodded, and climbed up the nearest tree, rose in hand.

**You know, we could go on for hours about this.**

_That's what I'm afraid of._

**Aww… don't worry! I'll protect you!**

_From what? The only dangerous thing around here is you and your narrating. Speaking of, I think that Tuxedo Jupiter needs to have a little adjustment._

**What are you writing over there! Hey! GIVE ME THAT!**

_If you don't see it, you can't stop it._

**No fair!**

No sooner was he in place, when the demon arrived. It looked around a little.

"What? No ambush?" it asked. "Normally some people plan ambushes to capture and interrogate their enemy. I thought you were all smart enough for that!"

"That's a good idea!" Sailor Mars said, fist in hand. "Could you reappear in like, five minutes?"

"Sure, why not?" the demon said with a sigh, as it vanished. Sailor Mars smirked.

"Okay, Jupiter and Venus, go hide over there in the brush, and wait to attack."

"You can't be serious," Mercury exclaimed. "She knows what you're up to!"

"Not if we say they went to get some coffee," Mars replied.

"That's brilliant! She won't suspect a thing!" Tuxedo Jupiter shouted bitterly from his place in the tree.

"I'll demote you to Jupiter Knight if you don't shut up!" Mars screamed back. Tuxedo Jupiter fell silent. The demon appeared again.

"My oh my," the demon said overdramatically. "Two Sailor Scouts are now out of sight. I wonder what you could be up to! Oh so scared am I!"

"Really?" Mars asked.

"No."

"Just so you know they got bored and went to get some coffee," Mercury said shyly.

"We're back!" Venus and Jupiter called, holding several cups of coffee.

"YOU GUYS! You messed it up!" Sailor Mars cried.

"Hey hey, we felt bad about Ames telling a lie so we really went to get coffee," Jupiter said angrily.

"Can you go away for another five minutes?" Sailor Mars asked, as the demon vanished again. "Okay, this is very simple. Demon arrives, you attack, we capture and interrogate. Got it?"

"Got it," Venus and Jupiter replied.

**Five hours later…**

"MEOW!" Venus chirped, wearing a full cow costume.

"Sailor Venus! You're supposed to be a cow!" Sailor Mars fumed.

"Oh yeah—HONK!"

The demon was rolling around, laughing its head off.

**Ten hours later…**

"Okay, okay, one more time!" Sailor Jupiter begged, rolling around in a fit of laughter. "I'm still stuck on 'HONK'!"

"That's it!" the demon cried. "Take this and stop yapping you useless Sailor Scout!"

With a fireball coming at his precious Sailor Jupiter, Tuxedo Jupiter awoke from his nap and jumped into action, throwing the rose which took the fireball for Sailor Jupiter.

"MINNIE!" Sailor Jupiter sobbed.

_What the—_

**Now now, we have a low rating. You can't say that!**

_No!_

"The rose had a name?" the demon said, suppressing a demonic cackle.

"Minnie, Sebastian, and Clover are the only roses I know!" Sailor Jupiter sobbed.

"Hold it right there you feathered-minion of world doomedness!" Tuxedo Jupiter cried.

"I'm lizard based, like almost all the other demons out there, duh!" the demon shouted at him.

"World doomedness is the best phrase ever," Sailor Jupiter said dreamily.

"Wow, you got over Minnie fast. And they say I'm shallow," Sailor Venus sighed.

_I'm still serious. Someone review for the blonde's death._

**You know, I don't think anyone wants her to die because they aren't saying anything!**

_They will. They will soon enough._

**Not if you're scaring them off like that. Find out what danger awaits the scouts next time!**

_Review._


	8. Methinks

Author's Note

I don't own Sailor Moon.

I apologize for last week's freak Saturday posting, and for my new scheduling post. I will now be updating in a cycle. I am updating Looks Can Be Deceiving, Dearly Departed Dad, Gundam Wing Renaissance, and Ken and the Chickens this week, and next week will be Playing Pretend, Storm of Envy, Sailor Moon and the Alchemic Memories, and Bending Reality, As Told By Nara. So sue me if it'll make you feel better, but I have found that I cannot update eight chapters a week. It's too much to do. By the way, don't mock my mockery of slang and Ye Olde English! Enjoy!

* * *

**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 8: Methinks**

**Okay, here we go—**

"Now I'm going to have to get serious," the demon said, waving its hand. "Activateth!"

What did that do? Methinks you should read on to find out.

"That, methinks, was a horrid attack! Thou hast not even bore me one injury!" Sailor Mars shouted, and clasped a hand over her mouth. "I soundeth like a hag of ye olden lands!"

"No! Methinks the beaus of the land will run from my horrid speech!" Sailor Venus sobbed.

"Wow, that's a cool power," Sailor Jupiter said, her, her boyfriend, and Sailor Mercury looking at the two hysterical sailors.

"Too bad it's useless," Sailor Mercury said with a chuckle. The demon looked at the three of them, and laughed.

"Activateth!"

The three laughed now.

"You can't mess with this!" Tuxedo Jupiter laughed, smacking his rear end.

"Don't do that," Sailor Jupiter said quickly. "That's a mockery that is deemed uncool."

"Sorry."

"Who decideth such a mockery was unfit of the 'cool'?" Sailor Mars asked.

"Fer shizzel—what's up wit dis?" Sailor Mercury gasped. "Dis iz worse than losin my homedawg's bling bling!"

"That's funny," the demon said. "I thought I got rid of the gangsta feature when I upgraded."

"Thou dost sound more shameful than I!" Sailor Venus laughed.

"Word."

**This wouldn't happen to be your handiwork, would it?**

_Why would I give a demon voice transforming powers? That's stupid, and you know how I feel about stupid—and blondes. Although this voice fits her quite nicely._

**You've gotta tell me what you wrote down!**

_Nope, not saying a word._

"Okay Tuxedo Jupiter, looks like we've gotta face this thing on our own," Sailor Jupiter said, slamming her fists together.

"I thought we were supposed to surrender ourselves to save Sailor Moon?"

Sailor Jupiter face faulted.

"Right, we surrender!" Sailor Jupiter said. "We'll do whatever those demands were, just stop attacking us!"

"Gee, another well thought out plan," the demon yawned, as a door appeared beside it. "All right, step right through this door and it'll take you to your new home."

**Find out what happens next time!**

_You call this a chapter?_

**Next time it's your turn to narrate**

_See you all next week—muhahahahaha!_

**Review, and don't forget to pick two sailor scouts who have a short-lived life!**


	9. Look at the Title

Author's Note

The votes are in, and it's official. Somehow, he's narrating today. Only because I'm nice.

_Admit it. You just don't want to have to listen to that crazy wench anymore than I do._

Actually, she doesn't bother me. Anyhow, I don't own Sailor Moon. If I did I'd be rich. Here ya go!

* * *

**Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 9: Look at the Title….**

_I am starting the chapter now._

"Welcome to your doom!" a voice boomed.

"Mercury iz in da hizzouse'!" Sailor Mercury shouted, slapping a hand over her mouth. The voice laughed, as a giant loomed into view.

"That's funny. I thought you got rid of the gangsta feature when you updated," the giant chuckled.

"I know," the monster screeched. "Those two seem unaffected. Any ideas?"

"Wasn't the only thing that they said could defeat your powers true love?" the giant mused. Never mind that the buffoon forgot that the Sailor Scouts could hear his every word.

"You know, it'd be really nice if you guys had boyfriends," Sailor Jupiter said dreamily.

"I got my own bo'friend! Fer shizzel!" Sailor Mercury exclaimed.

"Dost thou have a suitor? Praytell, when did you gain such good fortune?" Sailor Venus asked.

"Praytell! Praytell!" Sailor Mars shouted, jumping up and down.

_Must—resist—urge to kill the blond._

**Voting isn't over yet! You can't kill anyone!**

_It's over now! The blond will die!_

Suddenly, the group heard the sounds of a stampede. Off in the distance, a twinkle was seen, a crow was heard, and the girls all screamed. It was a killer parade of Christmas tree chickens!

"We art doomed!" Sailor Venus screamed. "Mars, forgive me! I stolest thine comics!"

"You dost not have!" Sailor Mars scowled, as the chickens grew closer.

"Word," Sailor Mercury said simply, as the chicken parade stopped inches from Mars and Venus, and looked at Jupiter and Tuxedo Jupiter. In a moment, the two looked at one another, and the chickens started chasing them.

"AAHHH!" they screamed.

_It's coming. Oh yes, the anguish is coming._

**It's a G rated story you idiot!**

_Look who's talking. They will not survive, especially since I sent his youma resistant cape to the dry cleaners! MUHAHAHAHA!_

**Wow, you are evil. That was good. I'll give you that. But I got something better. Authoress? We're getting a little PG-13 down here! Mind giving us a hand?**

And with a sharp whistle, the chickens stopped.

"Why are my babies so angry with you?" the giant asked, petting the violent freaks of nature (How he didn't crush them is beyond imagination). "This simply will not do. I'll have to get rid of you two with the other two up there."

"Up there?" the group asked, looking up to see two bird cages.

"Hello? We've been screaming at you girls for the past ten minutes? Are you deaf or something?"

"Dost my ears deceive me? Nay, a quivering princess has spoken," Sailor Mars said.

"She soundeth likst Sailor Moon!" Sailor Venus exclaimed.

"Wazzzup homedawg?" Sailor Mercury shouted. The group looked at her.

"What's wrong with your voices? And don't insult the chickens or the giant!"

"Something tells me that's a death wish," Tuxedo Jupiter sighed.

"Sailor Moon! Hang on! I'll get you down!" Sailor Jupiter exclaimed. "JUPITER—"

"Halt!"

"Hold up!"

"WAIT!"

… Yeah, that still sounds weird.

"Dost thou wisheth to assassinate Her Highness?" Sailor Mars demanded.

"Your bolts could turn the homedawg to cinders, fer shizzel!" Sailor Mercury proclaimed.

"I don't see you guys trying!" Sailor Jupiter shouted.

"Cuz we'd off the homedawg too," Sailor Mercury replied.

"What shalst we do?" Sailor Venus asked to no one.

_That's dramatic enough for me._

**You're only saying that because the next part is probably hilarious.**

_Hilarious if you find reviews funny._

**I know this seems weird for you, but you really should consider a daytime hobby other than torturing the readers and the Sailor Scouts.**

_Like what? Stamp-collecting? Never!_

**Your funeral. Oh, by the way, only two more chapters until voting closes! We're going to have Yang narrate again, only because we're at the enemy's lair, but don't worry, I'll be on the sidelines making sure everything's all right.**

_How is that comforting? With you on the sidelines, my plan will take action sooner, and that bubbly blonde will be dead before voting ends….MUHAHAHAHAHA!_

**Evil laughter is so anti-dramatic.**


	10. The Dub God

Author's Note

Okay, it's looking like Mina Aino Must Die! Okay, I've been listening to those John Tucker Must Die commercials too much…lol… okay I don't own Sailor Moon, JTMD, but I do own the crazy narrators, sadly. And the villains and their powers. Okay, I'm ready now.

Geez, I hate this right now… I've got serious writer's block. I try writing and I have to keep stepping away. Right now the music is guiding me, but for the most part I'm in dire straits… this fic is actually pulling towards a close… it's still like four or five chaps away, but it's coming, and Bending Reality, As Told by Nara, is also pulling to the end, but that one's like two or three chaps. I'm going to go back to the weekly schedule soon, but right now, I still can hardly keep up with four fics, and last week I didn't even post one of em… enjoy!

**

* * *

Ken and the Chickens!**

**Chapter 10: The Dub God**

_I am starting the chapter now._

"Well, it would seem that you two cause problems," the demon repeated, like an idiot. "Any last requests before I crush you?"

Sailor Jupiter scratched her head, thinking hard. How could they get out of this? Haha! Nothing could save them.

**Except for Mina.**

"Praytell, canst thou name a name of oriental origin?" Sailor Venus quizzed.

"Oriental? Evil minion, what does that mean?" the giant exclaimed. The bird minion sighed.

"It means from the eastern hemisphere of Earth, the planet they dwell on. You wouldn't be up to something, would you?"

"Come on, this is the same girl who said we should go get coffee after Mercury was forced to lie!" Sailor Jupiter shouted. "She's an idiot!"

"Thou dost jest," Sailor Venus whined. "Dost thou thinkest of me as such?"

"Yes," Sailor Jupiter said.

"True dat!" Sailor Mercury added.

"Unfortunately," Sailor Mars sighed. "Although our princess fare far worse than thyself."

"I HEARD THAT MARS!" Serena cried from her little bird cage.

"Fine fine, a name of oriental descent then, and then you will be crushed," the giant demon said. "Kiyoshi."

Suddenly, lightning flashed and the thunder crashed. The lights began to dim, as it got harder and harder to see.

_All right, what did you do?  
_

**It's so pretty.**

_Don't feign stupidity. You're so stupid you suck at it. Now tell me!_

**But I don't wanna! You'll find out!**

_But I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!_

**Oh.**

The silence reigned for several moments. Then, the lights returned, and in front of them was a fat old guy. He had a serious receding hair line, pudgy cheeks, and casual business attire in navy blue. He adjusted his tacky "I Hate Anime" tie, and loosened his bronze cufflinks.

"All right, it's been awhile since I've actually had to smite someone. You know, you aren't allowed to say names of oriental origin in my dubbed version of Sailor Moon. So now you shall feel my dubbedly wrath."

The bird minion glared at Sailor Venus, who was now whistling away as she kicked a rock.

"Dubbedly wrath?" Tuxedo Stu—I mean Jupiter asked with a chuckle.

"There's nothing wrong with dubbedly."

Tragically, Tuxedo Jupiter was still laughing his head off. The old fat man snapped his fingers, as Tuxedo Jupiter lit in flames.

**PG-13! PG-13!**

The group thought he was a goner, however, he came through unscathed.

"Oh man!" Tuxedo Jupiter sobbed. "I brought my _dub-god-resistant_ cape! My youma-resistant cape must still be at the cleaners!"

"You mean I can't smite you where you stand?" the fat man demanded. "BEEP!"

The group gasped.

"What? I censored myself. I am a dub god! I can smite you all where—"

Instantly, the fat old man was replaced with a shapely woman with big rim glasses.

"I am the new dub goddess. My name is Alice, and I find that you, Mr. Unnamed Giant Demon, and your sidekick bird minion, are both in severe violation of dub policy."

"IT WAS ALL THEIR IDEA!" the bird minion squawked, pointing at Sailor Venus.

"Please. As if Sailor Venus is intelligent enough for something like that."

"Thou doesn't jest," Sailor Venus said sadly.

"All right, you two are hereby iradicated from this story! Good day!" Alice the Dub Goddess proclaimed, as she turned and vanished, the demons going with her. Sadly enough, the chickens remained.

"They're gone!" Sailor Mars cheered. "Great plan Venus—we can talk normally again!"

"All right!" Sailor Mercury cheered as well. "Free from that horrid tongue!"

"Wow Tuxedo Jupiter, we really were lucky," Sailor Jupiter said with a smirk. "Imagine the work the authoress would have had to do if all of us had been affected!"

"What are you talking about?" Tuxedo Jupiter asked.

"I have no idea!" Sailor Jupiter replied. The group chuckled nervously.

"Well, as least the giant moron is gone," Tuxedo Jupiter said.

…_Oh dear me, did that slip?_

**You did that on purpose!**

_I can't control the characters, remember?_

**Oh yeah… oh wait! Yes you can! The author let us, remember?**

_So there's only one more chapter until voting closes… pick Mina! Although her latest plan was interesting._

**I suggested it!**

_No you didn't. You were too busy biting your fingernails._

**Review… oh wait! YES I DID!**

_Idiot._


	11. Forgetting Someone?

Author's Note (last chapter for voting…)

I don't own Sailor Moon. And yeah, he's still narrating.

**Are you letting HIM finish the story? That's so not fair!!**

In any case, I have major news that some of you may read more than once if you read any of my other stories. I apologize sincerely for leaving so abruptly, but over the summer last year, a lot of stuff happened and right now, I'm just trying to get back into this. I am feeling rather overworked, and I am trying to get a few chapters written so that everyone can read something. Read my page for more information. Also, thanks Nurse Raine for your medical input!

**Ken and the Chickens**

**Chapter 11: Forgetting Someone?**

_I am starting the chapter now._

"Run Ken!" Sailor Jupiter cried, as the chickens began chasing around the tuxedoed fool.

"I'm running!" he squeaked. "Bad chickens! BAD!"

"A youma-resistant cape would be useful now, wouldn't it?" Sailor Mars taunted.

"I TOLD YOU! I FORGOT IT AT THE CLEANERS!"

"You are seriously forgetful," Sailor Mercury minded.

"I WAS BEING RUSHED BECAUSE YOU HURRIED UP THE CONVERSATION!"

"Oh, I did do that, didn't I?" Sailor Mercury said wistfully, thinking back to earlier in the day. It was amazing she was thinking at all.

"Ken!" Sailor Jupiter cried once more.

"Girls! Fight the chickens!" Sailor Moon cried from above. There was no reaction to her shout. "Girls? Can you hear me?"

"I wish there was some way we could help him almost," Sailor Venus sighed sorrowfully. "I feel bad making him work out like that. He's really lanky."

"MY FEET ARE GOING NUMB! DO SOMETHING!"

At this moment in time, the boy was running from right to left, and left to right, in a continual loop that seemed never-ending.

"Hey Mercury, can your feet actually go numb from running too much?" Sailor Mars asked. The stampede and the tuxedo boy ran by again.

"GIRLS!" Sailor Moon cried.

"I've never actually heard of it myself, but I guess it's possible," Sailor Mercury mused. The two and Sailor Venus then huddled, thinking very deeply about Sailor Mars' inquiry. Quite the spectacle to take in, mind you. The twerp and the chickens, and then the three stooges in a circle really.

**Quit making fun of them!**

_I can and I will._

**If you don't stop—I'll—I'll—I'll tell on you!**

_Like that is the least bit frightening._

**It will be if you never get to narrate again.**

…_I feel nothing but hatred for you._

…**Is that a good thing?**

Sailor Jupiter finally got fed up with the antics of her comrades, and turned to face them.

"Girls! Ken is clearly in a lot of trouble and we can't just leave him like this!" Sailor Jupiter exclaimed. The three looked at one another, and shrugged. "I'm serious!"

"It's not like he isn't expendable or anything like that," Sailor Mars shrugged.

"MARS! USE YOUR POWERS!" Sailor Moon shouted to them, as once again, no one paid any heed to the poor Sailor in a cage.

"SAILOR MARS! Listen to your leader and SAVE ME!"

"Hang on Ken, my love! I'll get them to move!" Sailor Jupiter said, as she turned to them again. "We plan to get married in two months, and if you don't save him, you're not invited to the wedding."

"WHAT? WHEN DID I AGREE TO THAT?!"

Sailor Jupiter ignored her now fiancé as she looked furiously at the girls.

"Okay, fine, we'll save him. Mercury, do that computer-tapping thing you're really good at," Sailor Venus said off-handedly.

"Right," Sailor Mercury said quickly. She began typing on the keyboard. They waited for a few minutes.

"HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE?"

"Sorry Ken!" Sailor Jupiter apologized sweetly. "They're helping at least."

"I HARDLY CALL THAT HELPING!"

"Sailor Mercury, do you have a way to beat the chickens yet?" Sailor Jupiter asked.

"Oops, no, sorry," Sailor Mercury chirped, attempting to hide her computer. Sailor Mars, however, took it away from her, looking at the screen.

"Wait, what is—is that our grades?!" Sailor Mars exclaimed.

"No wonder we do so well with all the time we spend fighting," Sailor Venus mused.

"It's not like I do that for everyone. Sailor Moon still has to fend for herself!" Sailor Mercury said, blushing as she swiped the computer back.

"WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU COULD MAKE ME AN A STUDENT AND YOU HAVEN'T AMES? YOU TRAITOR!" Sailor Moon cried.

"Now now Serena," Tuxedo Mask said softly. "It's not like she does it because she hates you."

"Oh, but Darien, she's totally giving the girls and advantage they shouldn't have!" Sailor Moon whined.

"Why do you leave her out?" Sailor Venus asked.

"Yeah, she'd be furious if she found out," Sailor Mars chuckled.

"It would be too suspicious if she suddenly was passing all of her classes. So I just correct all her homework when she's not looking," Sailor Mercury said sheepishly. The entire procession, chickens and all, just stopped and stared.

"No wonder your homework grade is so high Serena," Tuxedo Mask mused.

"I—I thought I was getting better!" Sailor Moon sobbed, causing a shockwave to come from the meatballs atop her head. The chickens, looking up at Sailor Moon, cackled in a shriek that could raise the dead.

"Why are—Are they laughing?!" Tuxedo Jupiter asked, stopped in his run.

"Okay, they're somehow distracted. Find their weakness, quick!" Sailor Jupiter exclaimed.

"I'M BACK!" boomed a voice. The group all shuddered. "WHERE IS EVERYONE?"

Another giant, this one female, loomed into view. The group now was wide-eyed with fright.

"A GIANT!" they screamed. Even the chickens seemed downright frightened. The green atrocities with pink bows were now scurrying away into the darkness of this lair, which at this point in time, was anywhere but here.

"BROTHER DEAR!" the giant boomed, as the ground now shook. The Sailor Scouts on the ground fell on their rears, and the two trapped ones were now in swinging cages. Tuxedo Mask was still holding on for dear life while Sailor Moon sobbed, oblivious to the ordeal. "BROTHER DEAR, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"That was their weakness," Sailor Mercury announced. "Come on, let's go!"

"Right," the group exclaimed, as they swiftly jumped to their feet. Sailor Jupiter grabbed the collapsed Tuxedo Jupiter, and the group made their escape also—into the darkness of the lair.

_There. They aren't dead. Yet._

**Everyone, remember, you can't vote as soon as the next chapter comes out, which means two people's fates are sealed, however tragic it may be.**

_I'm just glad that I'll be finishing the story at this rate._

**YOU WILL NOT! I'll get another chapter again—I think.**

_Review._


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